Curiosity hurts my soul.

When is this going to end ?

Your face keeps on appearing on my mind whenever im tryna stop thinking about you.

That fcking hurts !

xx

I can finally play Three Cheers for Five Years with piano the Punk Goes Acoustic version.

And im still learning to play better.

Thank you for guiding me, Erin. I love you choo much Beshfwen ! :*

xx

Slowly, its getting easier without realizing

Some things are just too hard to forget based on some reasons.

This feeling that im having right now is complicated. I am going through a hard time. Sometimes, love just cant get along with you cause you dont know how to appreciate it. I just learnt that. And im learning to not repeat the same mistakes. I am turning over a new leaf. My previous love life sucks. I made the biggest mistake by letting go something that i may never have again. I didnt see what i had until its gone. Its my fault, i know, i let go. But when i came back for you, you just cant take me back into your life. Okay, i get it why you just cant take it. But you dont have to be mean, and treat me this way right ? If you realize, you're making things harder for me.

But im gonna stay strong, and lead a new life. A better one instead. Insyaallah.

Its not easy to let go.

Especially letting go of something that you really love, by force.

But somehow i learn something from it.

People around me keeps on asking me about the relationship he is in right now.

I just dont know what to answer. Okay lah if he's in a relationship. Thats not wrong. And i dont mind. Cause i have nothing with him anymore. Its just me, waiting for him to come back. Thats it.

In order to move on, i gotta be strong to face all these kinds of questions.

And i must say, im getting better.

xx

Whenever i read this ,

When i read this back, i cant believe im so stupid to do that to you.

" i will change for you.
just dont leave me...
i wish..
u and me.
on the hill...
we were walking..
holding hands...
u looked at me and sayed.
'where are we going?'
i turned and sayed
'where ever the wind bring us'
u smiled and blushed...
u slip ur hands and grabbbed mind tighter
as if u will never let it go.
i hold the tears in my eyes.
we went to a hill..
the dark sky shatters the soft mood..
it suits ur skin.
we layed at the soft green grass..
u leaned on my chest with ur hair...
all over my torso...
u turned closer towards me..
i hugged u and kissed u...
u stopped.
the fear of u disgusted by me ran across my mind.
u went and slowly reached towards my chick..
ur soft tender voice..
whispered..'i love you,dont leave me'
i was stunned.
tears start to pour down my eyes..
u sayed 'why are u crying?'
the wind blew...i replied
'i..i....love you'
you hugged me closer..
i felt the soft suiting heat warming my body....
tears dropped more..
i want to tell u..
wat the doctor said..but i couldnt..
i just couldnt..
i glare towards u and stare at u..
appreciating the moment...speechless.
looking at u comortably leaning,sleeping beside me.
i kissed u and we closed are eyes..
hoping the night could last forever..
u slept..quietly.
time passed and u woke up..
u pushed my hand aside..
and called upon my name.
i kept quiet.
and u saw a note.
in my hand.
baby..
im sorry..
the doctor said..the hole in my lung
grew to much.
he said i couldnt live more than..
haha
i decide to spend my time with u...
thank you..thank you.
im sorry i couldnt say goodbye.
it hurts..ur my cure.
baby,dont cry...pls
u mad me happy to the end sayang.
i love you
goodbye. "

Memories are left.

xx

" but im dummer without u.
i fought drugs.
im alive.
but overall..
ur the worst,
most addictive,
drug i ever had... "

-Him

My dreams are crushed. But memories wont fade away, that i can promise.

Its okay, im okay as long as i can still stand over here, and watch you from far.

Im gonna be okay someday. It just needs time.

When almost everyone around me told me to move on, i just feel like killing all of em' for not understanding my feelings.

But when i think back, i cant let him step on my head. I gotta think for my own self now. Ive been spending almost a year thinking about him. Sometimes, we just dont know what we got until its gone.

And thats life.

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Like me. Im trying to prove something that is impossible to you.

I cant explain anything anymore. Cause ive tried my hardest. I know i did.

Im sorry that it had to be this way. I know its not enough to say im sorry. Maybe im the one to blame.

When i look back, everything that ive been through, is everything about you.

No seriously, i was really hoping. This is the biggest, heaviest hope ive ever had on a guy. Its true.

Maybe sometimes, letting go is the solution. But i still cant do this. Its hard. Harder than you thought it is.

Now i know, how big is the word ' move on ' & ' let go '

Cause i am having these feelings now. I just wish i could skip this part of life. For not being hurt.

I am hurt. Being hurt is the most unwanted things in this whole wide world. Yes it is.

Im tryna look at the brightside of being hurt. Well, being hurt will make me a better person in future. Being hurt will teach me not to repeat the same mistake. Being hurt also will teach me to be strong and keep moving forward.

I wish i could read your mind. I wanna know how exactly you feel when this happened to you. Were you as hurt as i am right now ? Things are really really bad right now.

And i can hardly think what else to do. Im so lost. I wish i could make things right.

Time will heal me. One day i'll move on and never look back again. Cause having all these kinds of feelings suck.

I dont wanna go through this again. I really dont. Its too much. Too heavy for me.

" But i know it now
i wish i would've known before
how good we were
or is it too late to come back
or is it's really over ? "

So, before you go, i should probably let you know that i never knew what i had.

Its hard.

xx

I dont know what you're doing.

I just dont get you sometimes. Ive tried everything. And all i get is heartache.

I told you i changed. Im willing to do anything for you. To get you back.

Im ready to make you happy. Im ready to give anything just for you to be happy.

But this is what i get in return ?

Mann, no one knows how much this hurts me. It cuts me really really deep inside.

Thats your choice.

Slowly, ill try harder to move on.

And i hope, i will.

You happy now ?

I wont give up on you.

No matter how hard i cry, no matter how hurt am i.

Im just gonna wait.

Just promise me something,

that you'll make me happy someday ?

I miss you

xx

My heart stops beating for a second when i see you.
I stopped moving for a second when i see you, to make sure, if its real.
My hand was shaking. You came to me, and touched my hair. Just like how you used to do it.
For one second, i was really happy, but think back, why am i so happy ?
I wanted to go and sit beside you. Ask you how are you, hows your life and what not.
But i dont have the guts to do so. I really miss you.


I miss you.


xx

I love Ben 10. Seriously. THAT Ben 10, & The one in the movie.

First of all, i have a younger brother who is addicted to Ben 10. And he watches Ben 10 like everyday.
I must say, i watch it too.

I watched 'The Good Wife' just now. And this dude, he looks familiar. Super familiar.
My brother once had this Ben 10 movie CD. But its not Ben 10 Alien Force. Its just Ben 10. Cause Ben 10 movie & Ben 10 Alien Force is two different movie. With different actors. The Ben 10 Alien Force, the actors are older that the actors in Ben 10. You get what i meaan ?

I sortaaaaa havin a tiny insy winsy crush on this guy, Graham Phillips.Which is one of the actor in Ben 10, i mean Hero. He has grown up. He looks better now. Getting cuter and even more cuter. Teeeheee.
He caught my eye. He's not hot, he's just so plain adorable. He's really good looking maann.
I dont know why i cant post up his picture here, but HE IS CUTE. I love his hair k. Seriously.

GRAHAM PHILLIPS.


P/s : My beshfweeeen is wearing braces ! :B
He looks shooo kiut lah now. No more lookin like Taylor Lautner, Ariff :B


xx

Its been a long long day.
I came back from tuition at 11.30 and i had to dress up to go to Shah Alam and Klang.
I met my cousins. Oh well, all so pretty & handsome. Everyone has grown up. (:



And im still here alone. Standing on my feet, waiting for you to come back.
I promise you i will. Just come back. Come back whenever you think you're ready.
But i cant wait forever.
Dont make me wait till forever.


xx

Saturday.

Erin brought me to Sunway Lagoon. She gave me Eddy's ticket since Eddy cant go. Its her dad's Family Day.
So yeah, we got free tickets, and we get to enter 5 parks freely. Damn. I wouldnt want to miss that !
Thats one of my wish before i die k. Hehehk
Yaah i know i went to Sunway Lagoon last year, with Tania, Dini, Melisa, Mars, Arissa, Azir & Azrie.
But we only enetered like 4 parks. But i can never forget that (':
We really really had fun together. I miss that a lot.


So yeah, this time, it was me, and her family. But her mom went off early. Obviously we dont wanna miss anything right. So we started planning where to go and what to do first.
I can honestly tell, that we actually tried everything in Sunway Lagoon.
Except for Bungy Jump, Flying fox (cause the line was like damnfreaking long) and the Surfing thingi (cause there were too many dudes) .
I was 35 confident to try the Bungy Jump. I wanted to break the record of the day, of being the first girl to jump.
But i was told that i gotta pay RM 75 for that Bungy Jump. I was too lazy to go and get my money from the bag, so we decided to try something else.
We tried, Archery & Paintball. Aweeethuummmb.


We had a ride on the ATV. And Go-Kart, and not to forget Kayaking.
Damn that was fun. Super fun. We both were too lazy to kayak till we stopped in the middle of the lake and have a break there :P
I also had this "RUN AWAY" moment. Where 3 of the foreigners came to me and asked me to take their picture. And also asked me for my name, and FB. Okay, seriously, that wasnt funny. But i was like .. okay, dude, im scared, go away. Cause they came up to me like super close. Sometimes, tall people with loud voice are scary.


Nywaay, the 360 ride was the most gayat-est among all.
Overall, i enjoyed everything, and i had fun.
And now my back hurts. :/


See you, bloggie.
xx

My Very Bestfriend

I had such a great day with you ! I'll never get enough. And i swear to god, you're the bestest laughing gas ive ever tried.

Watched Charlie St Cloud already. Zac Efron looks better in that movie. Better than High School Musical.

He's even hotter in Charlie St Cloud. That movie shot me right through my heart mann.

You should watch it. I cried. Lame. But yeaaah. Just watch it.

Im too tired to type about what we did just now :B

But overall, i had fun with Erin.

I love you, Gangstah. (:

xx

Sometimes, i wish you were there the nights i cry myself to sleep. Cause if you saw the way tears roll down my face continuously, maybe it would make you stop and think, " what the hell am i doing to her ? "

xx

On the brightside

For the past few days, Ive been hanging out with my bestfriend, Erin. Wait this is like, the first romantic post ever made for you Erin. Be thankful !

I just cant tell how happy am i when she does all her stupid jokes, her stupid ugly faces her pathetic loud laugh. I can never show my emo face when you're around. You'll always have something for me to laugh.

You're so weird. And yet, im stuck here, as your bestfriend, which i know i love to be here, by your side as your bestfriend.

You're so ganas liddat. You friends with weird people. Your blog is weird and so are you .
Pfft. Thats just you. But when i look at the other side, i have someone that can actually make me laugh as hard as a stone.

You love hitting me whether in the face, my ass, my sensitive part, my arms. It hurts me somtimes, but i know its the ' love hits ' its just like ' lovebites' . Hehehek (':

I love you, bestbestfriend.

xx

When is this going to end ?

Fxck all those love songs that makes me cry.

I have no idea what else to do. I cant think of anything else anymore.

Everytime i close my eyes, its you i see.

Im a dummer without you. I just need you here.

And i promise, i'll take care of you just how i take care of myself.

And i promise, you'll be the happiest person on earth.

You're all i ever wanted. You're everything that i need.

xx

I feel like posting up something heavy about Him tonight.

* Dont read if you think you're gonna hate or insult this post, Faakkaarh.

First Impression was at School during cheer.

I didnt know who you are. You came to the place where we practice cheer.

I heard my friends calling your name.

The Second time was, during Electric Gig.

I dont know why but i liked you since then. I tried to grab your attention, but you seem like the type who flirts around. I started to have mixed feelings for you. Yunus intriduced us. I was so happy that i get to talk to you.

All i remember was, you & Yunus told me to take care of your slippers. Cause you guys wanted to mosh.

And i did.

The Third time was, Teacher's Day Celebration in my School.

I didnt know you were in my school until you told me. I dont know what made you came to me and you actually randomly took someone's guitar, sat beside me and played some fcking love songs.

Yeah, before that, I heard of people saying he's a play boy. He fucks around. As in, he's fucks around with girls' feelings.

I was a lil upset when i heard that. But i told myself, ' Just go with the flow '

I didnt actually hoped that time. I was just enjoying the moment i get to spend with someone i just knew.

I knew there was something in you. He kept on looking at me.

And i actually took the risk to say, ' Dude, your phone number *with a smile on my face '

And he goes, ' Oh yaah. Wanted to ask you that just now '

We exchanged number.

And soon i had to leave. I told him that i gotta go. He gave me a rose before i left. The first thing that crossed my mind was ' I didnt know that a player could be as sweet as candy '

So i went home with the rose that he gave me.

He texted me. We were texting as usual. Nothing more, just as friends. Nothing came across my mind. I was enjoying my day with a new friend.

Few hours after that, he suddenly says ' Haha i think i love u '

Seriously, swear to god i started to burst out laughing. I was like, do you think i actually believe a player like you ?

But you continued telling me that you wanted to proceed our relationship more than as friends.

I have no idea what was i thinking. I couldnt make up any decision. I was scared that i might get hurt.

You convinced me in every single way. You tried your hardest to make me trust you.

But i just cant.

At night, you asked me again. After hours reading your msgs, i took the risk again, to be with a guy like you and to be with a guy that i just met.

I mean, i do really really like you, its just that im really scared that you might cut me deep inside.

But screw em'. I love you a lot.

And so, the love started to grow. Bigger and bigger, day by day.

So the next 3 days, during cheer practice. I decided to tell Meyshna, Vee, Leysha Shasha and Pei Wen.

All of them were quite shocked. Haha. I know. Like whatthahell ? Fafa's with that dude ? That fcked up dude ?

I still remember the way my cheer mates teased me with him (';
I still remember that he used to wait for me until i finish my practice.

The way you hug me from the back, the way you whisper in my ears, the way you kiss my cheeks, the way you carry me, the way you smile, the way you talk and look at me, how you hold my hand, the way you love me (': I remember everything. Oh god, I really love you.

Day by day, my love for him started to fade away. While he is madly, insanely inlove with me.

I dont know what happened. One day, we just cant stop arguing. Troubles came and crashed on us.

I really dont know whats up with me.

Ahh, i just dont wanna talk about how we broke up );

I hurt him alot ! I regretted it a lot now. And i wanna make things right.

When he's not around, that is when i noticed, i need him.

Everything looks so wrong without him. I feel empty.

I hope its still not too late for me to come back. And whenever i think of what you did for me, i just feel like turning my whole world into reverse and start it with you all over again. I just wish i can.

xx

When are you coming onlineee ?

):

Can you hear me calling for you ?

I come online just for you. Cause thats the only way i could see you and talk to you.

I dont have your new number. I have no other ways to contact you.

You're the only reason why im here.

I wanna make things right. I wanna keep on loving you.

How do i do this ?

Quick come online la !

xx

xx

Hello October ! Goodbye September.

And here comes my wish.

I wish October would be a better month. A month that will be surprising me with a lot of happiness and love.

xx