Oh god. I forgot that i have tumblr.

And nooow, im editting my tumblr. I dont really know how to use it, and i guess thats why i left it.

But now, im gonna keep updating it.

Avios darlings.

xx

If i have a boyfriend, and if he gives me Skittles for my Birthday or maybe Anniversary, I swear i'll call him the sweetest guy on Earth.

I love Skittles as much as i love my phone.

I love Skittles.

xx

Just a call, that made my day.

This is what i need, to feel better.

A person to accompany me through the night when im hurt. When im scared and when im feelin insecure.

A person to wake me up with laughs. And tell me that Everything will be alright.

Im a strong girl who keeps her stuffs in line. Even when i have tears going down my face, i always manage to say, 'Im Fine'.

But like i said. Im better now. Finally when i keep on pushing and forcing myself to not think about it, it works. It actually works. And the best feeling is, when someone asks me, " Do you miss him ? " And you're not the one who pops up in my mind anymore.

No matter what, i still want us to be free from our pasts. I wanna start a new thing. Im looking forward to the times where we can hangout and laugh like how we used to laugh our heads off.

xx

Somehow i know things wont be the same. And thats why im learning to let go.

Im tired of feeling like a trash. Im tired of pleasing you.

xx

My Very First Video Post :B

Boo Yah ! Fafa's bored.

Just Dance - Lady Gaga

Alright. I dont have a great voice. But i just feel like posting up a video.

xx

It is getting brighter

Im happy. I watched Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows already (':

Watched it with Yunus and Erin.

After the movie, Baim came and joined us. He's damn annoying k. But i guess i gotta say in a good way. Even though he bullies me like everytime we meet. He just cant shut his mouth and will blame me for every single thing. Pft.

We went Teh Tarik since i promised Yunus a treat. A while after that, Akmal Hakem & Fareena came. Lepaked for a lil while.

Beforeee that, i bumped into Azraei. And lepaked for a while. Then bumped into Omar Ridzuan.

Then went to Arcade for fun. Played the racing game. And guess what. Im the 3rd person to win the race, out of four. Well at least not last.

We played another game, foosball ? HOWEVER THE SPELLING IS. Hell yeah, Erin & I won the first game ;)

Mom called at 8. Surprisingly.

Baim & Yunus send us to the taxi stand and went hooomee.

Now im super tired. Been walking since 11 am till 8 pm k. I should probably go to bed now.

xx

;) Isnt it true ?

xx

Now its sad to see you're gone. Hard to accept the fact that you're no longer around.

Im sorry that i bully you everytime i see you.

Im sorry that i love to scream your name whenever im going up the stairs.

Im sorry that i couldnt take my hands off your ass.

Im sorry that crap a lot to you.

Im sorry that i dont know how to hold you.

Im sorry that i didnt know that you're suffering.

Humphrey, your lost hit me right in the face.

I woke up, and see you no longer breathing. Its just so sad.

I cleaned your cage, i put lots of food for you, your drink is there, your house is neat.

And you left me. I swear you were the most hyper hamster ive ever had.

Yah even though you knoow, i never know how to hold you well. ( Duh, you're a roborovski, never stay still & all you do is run fast ) In that case, you might love Aisha more cause she holds you well.

But hey, i cleaned your cage like most of the time, and i bury a grave for you ):

I dont know why am i writing about A Hamster. A tiny lil creature.

But you should know, behind all my naughty moves, i still love you the most.

And im not ready to see you're no longer in the cage. It hurts.

SEBAB HUMPHREY COMEL SANGAT. I SWEAR.

I feel like crying. I should stop. )':

xx

Watching channel 105.

P Ramlee's movie. Labu Labi.

This movie totally reminds me of my late grandma. We used to fight whenever it comes to tv.

And then i'll have to sleep with her whenever she's at home. Ever single night, i'll have to go through her same old story about Burung Pipit. And also a funny story of my cousin, Abang Afiq.

Ive got a lot more to say about maktok. I miss her so much. I miss how things are when she was here.

The big house she owns, is for all of her children, and grand children to gather up. During Raya, all of us will be there. We'll play fireworks. Not fire crackers i tell yah. Freworks. Good times.

I miss you maktok. I miss you very much.

I miss your cookings. I miss the way you back me up when mom scolds me. You were always there for me.

And i believe, you're still here, with me.

I love you Maktok.

xx

Taken from Melisa's blog. Which i think most of em' are true. Haha

Ridiculous, but true ... I think.

Do you know ? when a person appears in your dreams . That means the person wants to meet you

or

If you have a dream about that person , then that person went to sleep thinking of you

Can't tell which one is true (yet to be tested )

Oh and one more thing

"Based on a psychological study, a crush only lasts for a minimum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love."

Kissing is healthy , banana's are good for cramps , chicken soup actually makes you feel better . Having someone to rub your tummy when it hurts actually helps , guys do insult you if they like you .

xx

It has been raining since the starting of this month.

And tonight has been the coldest night ive ever been through, in this month.

Seriously cold. Im freezing.

Im kinda a lil too excited for something. Which is im not sure if its going to happen.

Well lets just hope for it to happen. I cant wait.

xx

There is always a story behind every person. There's a reason why they are the way they are. They arent just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them and sometimes, its impossible to fix them.


x

It was never easy until i stopped looking back

I feel like doing a part time job. Seriously. I cant stand staying at home and do nothing.

All i do is get myself fatter and fatter. I need to work out !

Mom dont allow me to work. She said im too young to work. Yah i guess so.

Sooooo, i guess im going for a guitar class ? Been having that red guitar in my room for quite sometime and its funny that i dont know how to play a single song.

All i know is to play the song Kiss Me ( not the whole song ). Boo me.

x

Looking Forward

All four of us went for swimming yesterday. Meysh Erin Syusyu & I .

We did stunts in the water. And surprisingly, it went up. I seriously miss Cheer. All the four of us do.

I remember, i used to talk about cheer, with everyone i go out with. I was so addicted to it.

(':

Went to the sauna. Put a bucket full of water on the arang thingi.

Before we could even feel the killing heat, the three of them went off already. :B

The feelings that i had yesterday, is wonderful. I havent felt that way for so long.

I love my girls. :*

You guys were always there when my skies are grey.

xx

Okay seriously. That was unexpected. What a weird, shocking dream i had.

But it is fun to talk about. Seriously. Its cute. Wish it'll come true. I wish.

I deserve to feel better now. And i need to.

And that dream just came and .. brought me up. (':

xx

I took the risk to talk to you again.

Akmal Hakem told me to do something that i never want to do. He convinced me that it'll be better if i talk to him and makes things clear.

But its not how i wanted it to be. I didnt even get to hear any single explanation from him. I didnt even get to ask you and give you explanations too. I dont know what made it so hard for you to talk to me.

I thought you said we could be friends. I know i still havent move on. But why ?

The way you talked to me was so harsh. No seriously. Dude whats up with you ? Have i ever treated you this way when i broke up with you ? Instead of leaving you just like that, i even stayed with you. I was always there for you.

Look, i am here for you. Im willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy again. But i guess you didnt see all that. Your ego has been controlling you. Sigh.

Right. I'll move on. If thats gonna make you happy. I will. Im sorry for everything. But yeah, i tried. Its just you.

Maybe we're better off this way.

Thanks for the memories, the time youve spend for me, and how happy you've made me.

Nobody Knows It But me - Babyface

Im so in love, with you.

You're the reason why i have tears in my eyes.

You're the reason why im smilling.

You're the reason why i cant fall for other dudes.

You're the reason why i cry myself to sleep.

You're the reason why i never gave up.

I dont wanna create enemies. Im sorry, i cant stop loving you.

xx

Blue skies, white clouds.

I want you to take my hand and follow me to the place i long to be.

We'll go where ever the wind brings us.

I'll hold your hand tight. I'll whisper in your ears. I'd lay with you on the green grass. I'll lie in your arms and watch sunset with you. I'd love to fall asleep in your arms. I'd love to wake up seeing you right next to me.

So stay. I want you by my side.

It might be stormy now, but it cant rain forever.

xx

I guess Im still that Fafa.

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so... - Linkin Park

I wonder how is this going to end. I wonder how its gonna be when i have moved on.

These scars that you cant see are the ones that are the hardest to heal. I just wish you could be here right next to me when im at my worst. You were always there for me to lean on. You were the one that always stays on the phone with me till sunrise. You were the one who can make me smile when im madly angry. I looked back and i just saw, how patient you were with me.

You loved me with all your heart. You gave me everything i need. And i was being a selfish jerk, that only accepts everything and dont know how to appreciate things you gave.

I hope its not too late for me to cure the cuts in your heart. I wanna make sure you're okay. I'd do anything to make you happy. I want you back to normal. I miss you so much. And the fact that i cant get you out of my head, hurts 10 times more than falling off from a building. I dont know how to explain my feelings for you.

I wanna be your Fafa again. And this time, i'll be different than i was. I dont wanna repeat the same goddamn thing i did that made me regret this much.

Ive been dreaming about what we gonna do when we both get back together. Ive been dreaming. Yes i have.

I dont wanna dream or wish anymore. I just wanna be with you. I love you.

Im sorry that things are like this. I miss everything so much. And it hurts so bad.

I wanna call you Gay again. I wanna be in your arms again. I wanna make this right. And i promise you, i will.

I just need you to trust me.

You're different than other guys that ive ever met. You know why ?

Cause you dont sulk as much as they do. Cause you'll call me when you say you will. Cause you respect me. Cause you dont scream to me. Cause you never make me cry. Cause you're always there when i needed you.

Cause you never gave up on me. Cause you never fail to make me laugh over your stupid jokes. Cause you're being your total self around me. Cause you dont pretend and you tell me the truth everytime. Cause you know what exactly to say when i have tears on my face. Cause you sing like nobody's business.

Cause you love me for who i am. Cause you're my everything.

I'd walk with you through the night.

Ive been trying to let you go every single day. But i just cant. I need someone's help.

xx

I was once a dreamer & and has always been the happy type of person

But now im crushed.

Im sorry for what ive done to you.

The memories are hurting me so bad.

They wont stop haunting me.

I need you to help me.

xx

She's tryna act like she's ma boyfriend. B-)

Bestbestfriend <3

Yesterday-ay-yay.

Its been so long since i last had a sleepover.

Soo, Erin's mom has been asking me when am i coming for a sleepover. I slept over her house yesterday.

On Friday, we went jogging at Frim. Couldnt describe how tiring it was! We both almost crawled up the hill!

The best thing about sleepover is, you get to stay up with your friends, and do stupid things that excites you and you can laugh till morning.

On Saturday, we decided to go to One Utama for a movie. But then we ended up hanging out with my another beshfwen, Ariff (': and also a friend of mine, Baim.

Erin had to leave. She left me alone in Forever21. ):

Soon after that Ariff and his friends accompanied me. Okay, they crap to the max. Funny like mad (':

Yesterday really made me feel happy. Yah, when you have your loved ones all around you, everything is just so great.

Yesterday was also the first time i really really lepak-ed with Baim. Before this its only like terserempak. He's ridiculous hilarious. So faarney can fart.

All this laughter, this happiness wont stay. It'll be gone soon when im home. I miss you Ben 10. (:

xx

That day, you hugged me soo tight that you cried. I cant believe it you cried.

I long for all those hugs. I long for all those days.

Nothing seems to move or even change. Songs on the radio keeps reminding me of you.

Every single day i wake up a lil disappointed. Everynight i dream of you and hope you would come back.

Typical Fafa. You're just overreacting, Fafa. But im not. I just want to be okay. These feelings are suffering and just so pathetic.

I should be enjoying my teenage life. *Stares at Aisha with her Indian moves lagu Bole Chudiyyan*

Like mom said its not worth crying for something that you regret, and that wont come back. For one second i think thats true. The next 2 seconds, i just feel like killing my soul for making me feel this way. Fml.

Sometimes, i wish, you wont find another person who loves you like i do. Thats mean. But umph. What else can i do ? I cant help my own self. That sucks ! Knowing you couldnt help yourself get over something.

Everynight, when i go to bed, i'll always look at the ceiling, and keeps on wondering if you ever gonna come back. Why am i scared to move on ? Why ?

Im messed up. Its like one day, i'll be strongly agreeing with everyone to move on. And then the next day, i'll be lying on my bed under my blanket will be thinking about you over and over again. Tell me how do i solve that ?

I tried so desperately to let go of you. To push you out of my mind and my heart. I tried my hardest for you and for me. I succeeded but thats only for a little while.

Let me feel it with you, for one last time.

Just one last time. I'll change the whole night, just for you and me.

xx

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

Im feeling slightly better after talking to you.

I know thats what i need all this while. You're the pill to my heartache. Yes you are. And you'll be the only one.

Maybe i should stop hoping. Ill take that as the first step to get over it.

Cause maybe we're good this way. Even though i dont really agree with it.

Scratch that, i'll be okay from time to time ( I wish ) .

My feelings has been freely controlling myself for almost a year. And im not sure if im strong enough to control my feelings now. And maybe i should start doing it by now before i got hurt even more.

Letting go is never easy for me. Especially when it comes to something that you think you'll never have again or something that you love so much that you cant stop thinking about it.

Some part of life might hurt so bad that you cant even stand it till you feel like finding a door out of the shit.

But thats reality. And in the end, i still have to accept it.

I probably should stop thinking about the pasts, regretting the pasts, and keep on refreshing the pasts. I should just look forward.

I cant wait till the days when im happier than i am right now. Waiting for the days that i wont even care what i went through the pasts. Just someday.

For now, i am going through shiatz. But i know, its coming to an end.

I love you Ben 10 // A // Setan

I wish i could tell you how sorry am i about the past. You know i never meant to do so. I just wish i could be with you again and make things better than before. But i learn that, sometimes, letting go is the bestest choice you have. And since you've decided that its never gonna be the same, i'll do the same. I just wish i can face this.

Thank you for showing me the meaning of love, the meaning of sacrifice, the meaning of patient. And i thank you for sharing with me the feelings that i've never had. I swear you're an annoying freak, that i'll never forget. Ive never gone this far for a guy. Cause you're my so called "first love" .

I wish we could be good friends WITHOUT any awkward thingi. (:

xx

Omar Ridzuan

‎; Don't give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about .

Words give me strength. Everyday, i fight the urge to talk to you. To tell you what i really want us to be.

But maybe not for now. I should probably wait until your exam's over.

Cause everytime i look back, i see you.

xx

Im still confused.

When are gonna be nice to me ? When are we gonna start talking like how we used to ?

xx

So far so good. But i know i still cant stop thinking about it.

Had an awesomee day with my Aisha at Mid Valley & The Gardens Mall.

She decided to bring me out since its been a while since we last went out together.

Yes, she has been really really really busy with her assignments.

She seldom come back home nowdays. Which makes me feel so lonely at home and left out ):

If you're around, we'll always bully Moena together. (Y)

And now i gotta deal with Moena alone. I donlaike.

Im feeling like im the eldest. Cause yeah, i am the eldest without you at home. So my mom is depending on me alot. Which, i seriously hate it.

I used to tell you about my day, and my stories everynight till you fall asleep. And then i'll scream and laugh seeing your face. The panic face. (Y)

But im glad we spent a quality time together yesterday.

I miss you being around. I miss seeing you watching tv on the sofa.

And i miss seeing you open the door for me when im back from school.

I wonder how it'll be like when you're an Architect. I think we'll barely meet, and i'll hate chu for that ):<

Kidding. I'll support you. Just dont leave me.

Thankiuu for everything.

With all my love Sha. Im repeating, with all my love.

xx